17 signs you’re going on holiday tomorrow

You’re going on holiday tomorrow. It’s a special feeling and one that, no matter how hard you try, cannot be ignored – by you or anyone around you – because you love holidays. Andrew Dickens gives you 17 signs that you’re giving off holiday vibes. 

1. You’ve set five alarms on three separate devices to make sure you don’t miss your flight

And asked at least one friend or relative to call you in the morning.

2. You’ve spent several hours mentally calculating the amount of underwear you need for the trip

This needs to take into account the following factors: loss, ‘accidents’, potentially sweaty activities, fancy nights out that demand clean pants, laundry facilities, the likelihood of finding and buying some really nice undies in a local shop.

3. You’ve checked where your passport is – for the 17th time this week

And looked into how to get a passport urgently. And it’s always been in the same place, despite the fact you know that dark forces attempting to move it.

Read more: How to plan the perfect vacation, according to science

4. Your productivity levels at work have crashed like the Greek economy

Really, why would you bother working?

5. You’re having a massive panic because you haven’t got enough work done to properly relax when you go away

That’s why.

6. You’ve downloaded six weather apps – and only believe the best/worst one, depending on your mood

Feeling glum? It’s going to rain all week. Feeling happy? Throw in the Factor 50.

7. You’ve downloaded six currency exchange apps – and only believe the best/worst one, depending on your mood

Feeling glum? It’s going to cost £15 a pint. Feeling happy? Might buy a house while you’re there.

8. You’ve spent an entire morning saving places on Google Maps, mostly bars

Because when you’ve had a drink, it’s easier to point at little yellow stars and little red hearts than type or speak.

Read more: Vacation on the horizon? Here’s how to make the most of it

9. You’re mentally preparing to unpack and repack at 10pm, just in case

Just like Santa Claus, you’ve made a list and you’re checking it twice.

10. You’ve searched “will [insert your airline here] go into administration?”

Because you’re paranoid.

11. You’ve searched “do they have Uber in [insert your destination here]?”

Because you’re lazy.

Read more: The best places to go in September

12. You’ve told everyone you know and several people you don’t know that you’re going on holiday tomorrow

You know, because they’re really interested in your holiday.

13. You’ve concocted a complex algorithm based on time, cost, convenience and security to decide how to get from the airport to your hotel

And yet no matter what you decide, you’ll still get to the airport and wish there was a driver holding up your name on a sheet of A4 paper.

14. You’re wearing a floral shirt in the office

The weird thing is, you’re going skiing.

15. You’re trying to work out how to weigh your luggage on your bathroom scales without weighing yourself

The easy equation is (YOU+BAG)-YOU=BAG. But depending on how your pre-holiday diet went, you might want to keep YOU an unknown variable. Cue various balancing acts involving chairs and pets.

16. In your head, you’re saying “so long, suckers” to everyone you meet

Please, don’t even try to deny it.

17. You carry an air of smugness that is inescapable and nauseating for anyone not going on holiday tomorrow

Fear not: one day they’ll have their revenge…