{"id":23504,"date":"2018-12-12T12:37:19","date_gmt":"2018-12-12T12:37:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/flashpacknew.wpengine.com\/?p=23504"},"modified":"2024-04-04T15:04:46","modified_gmt":"2024-04-04T14:04:46","slug":"why-japanese-men-choosing-single-life-japan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/solo\/travel\/why-japanese-men-choosing-single-life-japan\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Japanese men are choosing the single life"},"content":{"rendered":"

Andrew Dickens meets Japan\u2019s \u2018herbivore men\u2019 to find out why they\u2019re saying \u201cI don\u2019t\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

A quick glance at the British press recently and you\u2019d be forgiven for thinking that we can\u2019t have too many people in our romantic relationships. So popular are stories of polyamorous pansexuality that it feels like being in a couple is so much fun, we just want to share.<\/p>\n

The truth is that the UK\u00a0is\u00a0seeing a slight trend towards being happily single, particularly among women. In 2017\u2019s Mintel Single Lifestyle report, 61% of single women said they were happy with their relationship status, compared with 49% of men.<\/p>\n

In Japan, however, it\u2019s a different story.\u00a0While young Japanese of both sexes are\u00a0increasingly choosing the\u00a0solo life,\u00a0it\u2019s men who are giving it the biggest embrace.<\/p>\n

Tokyo go solo<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"tokyo\"<\/p>\n

The National Institute of Population and Social Security Research recently claimed that 24% of Japanese men hadn\u2019t married by the age of 50, compared to 14% of women.\u00a0The 2015\u00a0National\u00a0Fertility\u00a0Survey (of unmarried men and women aged 18 to\u00a034)\u00a0shows\u00a0that 60% of men – and 50% of women – stated they \u201cdo not want to get married yet.\u201d\u00a048% of men answered\u00a0\u201cI do not think I will be lonely even if I continue living alone\u201d – 10 point up from 1997.<\/p>\n

Read more: The Ultimate Solo Travel Guide to Japan<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Kazuhisa Arakawa, Solo Activity Men Research Project Leader at marketing company\u00a0Hakuhodo\u00a0Inc and author of\u00a0Super-Solo Society: The Shock of the Unmarried Nation, Japan<\/em>, thinks this is just the beginning.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is estimated that in 2035, one in three men will be unmarried for life,\u201d he says.\u00a0\u201cThe percentage of people unmarried for life (people still unmarried at 50, considered by the Japanese government as having a 0% chance of marriage in the future) began rising rapidly in the 1990s. Up until the 1980s, almost everyone in Japan got married.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

These men even have a name: Herbivore Men or Grass-eater Men, a\u00a0mocking\u00a0tag\u00a0insinuating that this group have\u00a0a\u00a0somewhat\u00a0diminished\u00a0masculinity (it\u2019s pretty harsh on vegans, too). And yet the Herbivores are thriving, many playing the field rather than chewing it. So, what caused this\u00a0dramatic\u00a0shift?<\/p>\n

\u201cThe late 1980s and into the 1990s was when the Japanese economic bubble burst,\u201d says\u00a0Mr Arakawa.\u00a0\u201cIn the 30 years since then, the average income of white-collar workers has actually continued to decline. Economic concern about the future is one reason that young men have been avoiding the responsibility that marriage entails.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe main reason they have for staying single is wanting to use their money on themselves. There is a common perception that for men, marriage means having their freedom to use money restricted. This is in direct opposition to women listing \u2018financial security\u2019 as one of the benefits of getting married.\u201d<\/p>\n

Work-life imbalance<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no cash-hungry Greed is Good culture here.\u00a0I can testify to this as a man who has caused many a polite and patient queue in a Japanese department store because he\u2019s said\u00a0\u201cyes, please\u201d\u00a0to the time-consuming yet\u00a0seemingly ubiquitous\u00a0gift-wrapping service,\u00a0applicable to the smallest of\u00a0purchases.<\/p>\n

There are, however, what many would consider outmoded gender norms and an\u00a0unacceptable level of gender inequality<\/a><\/u>. While Japan is considered one of the safest countries for women travellers, gender politics and feminism as you or I would understand it, haven\u2019t quite reached these shores. The country performs particularly badly against other developed nations when it comes to female representation in government and labour, which might explain women\u2019s financial fears.<\/p>\n

Read more: Why Japan is a dream destination for solo travellers<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

While more women\u00a0are\u00a0working, the playing field of opportunity isn\u2019t\u00a0anywhere near level<\/a><\/u>.\u00a0This\u00a0old-fashioned imbalance\u00a0isn\u2019t helping men, either,\u00a0who culturally still\u00a0bear the brunt<\/a><\/u>\u00a0of an often\u00a0pressurised\u00a0working environment<\/a><\/u>\u00a0that results in people working\u00a0horrendously\u00a0long hours. If you\u2019re\u00a0in Japan\u00a0and want to make\u00a0Japanese\u00a0friends, don\u2019t go moaning about how you have to stay half an hour late every Thursday because that bloody Dave never files his weekly report on time.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Sat next to me on a bar stool in a poncey craft beer bar in Shibuya, Tokyo, is 36-year-old Riku\u00a0Inamoto. He is what used to be called a confirmed bachelor. For him, time is a big factor.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have two things in my life that take up all my time: my work and my hobbies,\u201d he says. \u201cI can\u2019t stop work, so if I get married, I will lose my hobbies, which means I will have no fun. That would be a terrible life.<\/p>\n

\u201cI like having my own time and space, being able to make my own decisions, eat what I want, go where I want. I have married friends who look so old now. They don\u2019t seem happy. Why would I want that? I have\u00a0a\u00a0good\u00a0life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Convenience is king<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Japanese\u00a0of all\u00a0genders are showing an\u00a0increasing preference of personal freedom<\/a><\/u>\u00a0over relationships, and they\u00a0couldn\u2019t be in a better\u00a0country to resist the ‘old\u00a0ball\u00a0and chain\u2019, particularly if they live in a city.\u00a0Japanese cities make having a good life when you\u2019re single\u00a0very<\/em>\u00a0easy. There are vending machines on every corner (some dispense beer), all-night convenience stores, standing bars where you can strike up a conversation, and\u00a0countless restaurants that cater for solo diners<\/a><\/u>.<\/p>\n

There are even capsule hotels designed solely for men travelling alone (rather than bathrooms or showers, these places\u00a0often\u00a0come with a communal\u00a0onsen\u00a0–\u00a0a\u00a0kind of bath spa –\u00a0which requires you to be butt naked, so there\u2019s no shortage of conversational ice-breaking opportunities).<\/p>\n

\u201cRecently, there have also been more services provided for people travelling alone,\u201d says Mr Arakawa. \u201cIn the past, solo guests could not stay at traditional inns. About 80% of people usually eat lunch alone. Restaurants, karaoke places, zoos, and theme parks are all becoming easier to enjoy alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Mr Arakawa also points out that only\u00a030% of Japanese men are active when it comes to romance. This doesn\u2019t mean 30% are getting\u00a0jiggy\u00a0on a regular basis\u00a0\u2013 in fact 42% of single Japanese men aged 18-34 claim to be virgins \u2013 it means only 30% are even trying to date. Which, by my complex calculations, leaves a staggering 70% as passive.\u00a0I.e. seven out of 10 Japanese men make no effort to date whatsoever. To make matters\u00a0worse, most women are passive, too.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t through fatigue or apathy, though, it’s because traditionally people got hitched through a form of matchmaking called\u00a0omiai, no matter what they had to offer\u00a0a partner\u00a0or whether they actually\u00a0wanted<\/em>\u00a0to get married.<\/p>\n

“With people being free to date who they want,\u201d says Mr Arakawa, \u201cthe 70% who are passive when it comes to romance have difficulty getting married.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more: The delights and challenges of dining alone<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

This is very much the case with Junichi Mishima, 31, who is sat\u00a0next\u00a0to me in another poncey craft beer bar (it\u2019s a contractual requirement). This time it\u2019s in Fukuoka, an incredibly cool, hip and young city, full of really\u00a0attractive people.\u00a0It\u00a0must be painfully difficult to be passive here.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know if I want\u00a0to be single,\u201d he says, \u201cbut I think I find it easier. I\u2019m not confident talking to women and I can live without them. I see some men who find it easy to approach women, even if they do it clumsily, and\u00a0it\u00a0makes me feel even less confident. What do you even say?<\/p>\n

\u201cI prefer to read, play games, and not think about dating. Definitely not about having a wife! I sometimes wish I could have sex with someone, but I don\u2019t know where to begin. I know I could pay for this, but I don\u2019t want\u00a0to do that. Even then I wouldn\u2019t know what to say.\u00a0I think I\u2019m\u00a0better\u00a0off this way. Less stress.\u201d<\/p>\n

The future is fine<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This pattern\u00a0of increasing singlehood\u00a0is not without consequences. The most significant one is that with a lack of people ‘makin\u2019 babies\u2019, there aren\u2019t as many babies.\u00a0Obviously.\u00a0While the planet as a whole is drowning in human beings, Japan\u2019s population is shrinking. Great for getting a childcare place, not so great for the future prosperity of your country.\u00a0Mr Arakawa isn\u2019t worried, though.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s no need to be pessimistic,\u201d he says.\u00a0\u201dThe\u00a0exact same phenomenon occurred in the 18th century in Japan. Japanese cultures that exist to this day were created in that situation. Food culture such as sushi (fast food for single men at the time) and tempura, and the idol and cosplay cultures were all created at this time. As were\u00a0kibyoshi\u00a0and ukiyo-e, the equivalent of comics and manga today, and entertainment cultures such as kabuki. A society in which many people live alone\u00a0spawns\u00a0culture to fulfil their needs.<\/p>\n

Read more: 5 great places with a thriving singles culture<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cFrom an individual perspective, although marriage was something with physical and mental health benefits, Japanese people don\u2019t have a particularly negative view of living alone. Those afraid of living alone are divorced\u00a0men. They tend to be extremely reliant on their wives and the suicide rate is highest among them. They also account for a high number of\u00a0kodokushi\u00a0(dying alone without being noticed). Increasingly, people who never married don\u2019t have a negative view of living alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

What about our emotional needs? There\u2019s a lot to be said for having the close, intimate support of a partner,\u00a0particularly\u00a0if\u00a0you want\u00a0to vent.\u00a0We\u2019re all\u00a0very much aware of our\u00a0mental\u00a0health these days, with a lack of talking about it one of the most damaging problems for men. If you\u2019re going home to an empty flat with no-one to pour your feelings over other than a budgie or houseplant, then surely this can\u2019t be healthy.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis doesn\u2019t mean it will become a lonely society where individuals live without any connections,\u201d says Mr Arakawa.\u00a0\u201cBeing by yourself physically and being cut off from society must not be confused. People are being connected through networks that did not exist in the past. What\u2019s important is not\u00a0looking for someone to be with all the time, but having the emotional independence to be able to believe in yourself and say, \u2018I will be alright even by myself.\u2019 I call this \u2018the strength to live solo\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat I want to say is, \u2018It’s a lonely road, but we are not alone.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Images: Shutterstock\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Andrew Dickens meets Japan\u2019s \u2018herbivore men\u2019 to find out why they\u2019re saying \u201cI don\u2019t\u201d\u00a0 A…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":81023,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9033,9029],"tags":[107,702,629,464,433,443,362,465,434,424,1069,735,498,457,972,957,631,456,339,93],"class_list":["post-23504","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-solo-travel-tips","category-travel","tag-adventure","tag-being-alone","tag-being-single","tag-discover","tag-escape","tag-explore","tag-group-adventure","tag-group-travel","tag-happiness","tag-japan","tag-living-single","tag-meaning","tag-purpose","tag-relationships","tag-resilience","tag-single-life","tag-solitude","tag-solo-living","tag-solo-travel","tag-travel"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23504","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23504"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23504\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/81023"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23504"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23504"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flashpack.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23504"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}