Less work, more life: tackling the mid-30s blues

When I hit my mid-30s, I had a revelation: why don’t I work less and live more?

Like many people that age, I’d been taught to relentlessly strive for success at work. Go higher, get better, achieve more. Reach for the top and don’t stop until you get there. It’s an empowering message, and one that I seized straight out of university. I got my head down and poured everything into my shiny new career as a journalist. Late hours and weekend shifts were all part of the drill. Towards the end of one job, I even committed to a three-hour daily commute. It’s only when I came up for air that I had time to ask myself, ‘Do I even want this?’.

To be clear, I wasn’t unhappy in my career. Around this time, I had a fancy, often amazingly fun role at a women’s lifestyle magazine. It was really more a case of identity tethering. Somehow, I ended up pouring every last inch of my soul into my work without once questioning a.) if that was even a good idea, or b.) what was happening to the rest of my life as a result.

The timing of my crisis was no coincidence. Research shows that adults typically start to fall out of love with their jobs in their 30s, specifically at the age of 35. We put in more overtime than ever (often unpaid), but our career satisfaction simultaneously nosedives to an all-time low. So, how can we re-calibrate the balance?

Let’s start with an idea called ‘medium chill’. This revolutionary concept was first aired in 2011 by writer David Roberts, in a viral article for Grist. In it, he suggests deliberately keeping your career in low gear. Turning down opportunities for promotion, and saying no to bigger pay checks, goes against everything we know about traditional notions of career, work and ambition. But the trade-off is having more space to live.

“If we wanted, we could both do the ‘next thing’ on our respective career paths,” David says, writing about he and his wife’s ‘medium chill’ vision. “She could move to a bigger company. I could freelance more, angle to work for bigger publications, write a book, hire a publicist, whatever. We could try to make more money. Then we could fix the water pressure in our shower, redo the back patio, get a second car, or hell, buy a bigger house closer to town. All the stuff people with more money than us do.”

But, he says, “Fact is, we just don’t want to work that hard. We already work harder than we feel like working. We like going to the park and visiting friends, taking low-key vacations and generally relaxing. Going further down our respective career paths would likely mean more work, greater responsibilities, higher stress and less time to lay around the living room.”

As David points out, “There will always be a ‘more’ and ‘better’ just beyond our reach, no matter how high we climb”. Instead, he made an active decision to swerve off that path, choosing more relaxation in the here and now.

The medium chill might seem like an apathetic prospect at first. But it’s also brilliantly subversive. Who says you have to accept a promotion or strive for more? Why not just take what you have? Your life will likely be less stressful and, crucially, your job will no longer have the power to seep into every corner of your being – at least, not without your permission to do so.

There’s also the burning issue of overtime. Britain is home to a particularly unhealthy culture of it, with the average employee putting in 68 days a year of additional unpaid hours (America has a very similar problem). Some of these hours will be actual work. Some of them will be staring blankly at the computer. Some will be simply waiting around so you’re not the first person to leave, even though it’s gone 6pm.

Look at the Danes, who work an average of 37 hours a week and regularly rank as one of the happiest nations on earth. “Danes don’t do presenteeism and staying late is more likely to earn you a lecture on inefficiency and time management than a pat on the back,” writer Helen Russell, an honorary Dane, tells Stylist.

Hours typically run from 8am-4pm, and as one employee remarks, “come Cinderella hour – home time – everyone from the receptionist to the CEO goes. We’re trusted to do a good job; do our work; then leave”. This contrasts to London, where Helen says “working long hours was considered a badge of honour. I knew one boss who did a victory lap of the building at 6.30pm every day to check who was still at their desks – promoting them accordingly. Overtime was a sign of commitment, of dedication. Or, it now emerges, stupidity”.

Working overtime is not only stressful, it’s counterproductive. Time and again, studies show that happy employees (i.e. those who are not wilting from exhaustion) are significantly more effective than their overworked co-workers.

Tired old office protocol is also to blame for overwork. It’s not only annoying for employees to keep to the clock, fill out sick forms and request vacations — it’s extra hassle for overloaded bosses, too.

“When we launched the7stars,” says Jenny Biggam, owner of the London-based media agency, “we deliberately set out to do things differently. The bureaucracy around holiday forms and seeking approval was one of the first things to go. We extend trust and flexibility by allowing team members to work hours which suit them. The media industry is not a 9-5 environment. As long as our colleagues get the job done, they can work from home or come into the office at 6am if they choose.”

“In all that time we’ve not had one single case of people abusing the system,” Jenny notes. “In fact we’ve discovered that, if you trust the people you work with to behave like grown-ups, they generally do.”

Entrepreneur Alisa Murphy had a similar system of agile working in place for her team at the company she founded (and has now sold), cleantech comms agency Life Size. “Everyone in my team needed to be in the office for meetings but at all other times we were free to work from home or a cafe, or at unusual times,” she says. “We didn’t track holiday days, either. We found it was important not to ask people to give details of where they were or why, because the whole point is that it’s up to you.”

This type of flexibility and trust won’t work in every job. But whatever you vocation (or even if you run your own business), it may be worth seeking out employers/partners that prioritize balance, and build policies in support of a more sustainable working culture.

A better work-life balance doesn’t just mean changing the hours you work, or how hard you grind; it could mean improving both by shifting location. Traveling while working was once considered the domain of 20-something free spirits. But of the 40 million digital nomads now living that dream, over half are aged between 30 and 39 years old. And it’s a setup that naturally lends itself to healthier work habits.

“Having time-independent work (i.e. not having to be online present during specific hours), makes traveling everywhere possible and a joy,” says digital nomad and entrepreneur, Paris Davis. “This flexibility makes living in all time zones possible, and it’s much easier to balance work life and exploration.”

It’s this exact type of freedom that can prompt a broader reset on how and why you work. “Having your phone on airplane mode for months at a time and not being constantly connected and available is a beautiful thing, and I’d recommend trying it out,” Paris says, adding that she’s made adjustments to her lifestyle with age. “In my 20s, I stayed anywhere, but in my 30s, having a peaceful space where I feel comfortable and sleep well is key for wellbeing and the whole experience,” she says.

So, what do you think? Are you ready to start working differently? However you achieve it, it’s a decision that could change your life in a multitude of ways.

Images: Flash Pack

This article was originally published in 2018.