“The childfree woman is a symbol of freedom. Many people feel threatened by it”
I’ve always known I didn’t want children. I never desired the role of being a mother, so for me, it was almost a non-decision. I wanted to focus on different things in my life, like being able to travel, and my career as a photographer and storyteller. I also felt like I could nurture people in a different way.
That opportunity arrived in 2017. I was living in Berlin at the time, and put a post out on my blog asking to photograph anyone who – like me – was living childfree. I wasn’t even that familiar with the term “childfree” at the time, and I had no idea if there were people out there who felt the same way I did.
I’ve always known I didn’t want children. It was a non-decision
Over 40 women replied back, however, and I started photographing them in my home studio to document their stories. We are Childfree, a small portrait series, had begun. It was an amazing moment for me. Hearing other childfree voices affirmed my own decision not to have kids.
Over the course of the pandemic, I started to expand the project and that’s when a journalist from The New York Times got in touch. The feature that followed took off. I had hundreds of messages from childfree women all over the world. Almost overnight, We are Childfree moved from a niche photography series into a global movement.
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My husband, James, helps run the project by editing both my interviews and our podcast. He also coordinates our private member community, and has been a huge support as we’ve expanded our reach – learning to do everything ourselves.
It’s great to have a man’s voice in the mix, but my community is mostly made up of women – as well as those who identify as trans and non-binary. Men tend to get a pass when it comes to the issue of not having kids. It’s women who primarily face a stigma. We’re the ones who are “meant” to have, love and nurture children.
Childfree women are everywhere. Now we have the ability to connect
The truth is, childfree women have always been everywhere. It’s just now we have the capacity to connect with each other, on a platform that elevates our collective voice. The impact of that can’t be underestimated. I have people from all over the world messaging me saying they finally feel seen. They’ve spent their whole lives being told that something is wrong with them; that they’re abnormal or broken, or that they’ll never know true love without having kids.
After hearing this narrative again and again, finding a community of positive role models – people who have chosen the same path you have – can be transformative. Some women tell me they didn’t even realise they had a choice not to have children. They’ve been battling for years over whether or not to start a family, because the whole world tells them they should want it. Then they connect with my childfree network, and it’s like a weight off their shoulders. Suddenly, they have permission to say, “I don’t want this” – and then get on with living their lives.
Like me, many community members say that being childfree wasn’t really a choice they had to make. It’s just always been part of their identity. But they’ve found themselves having to justify it all the same, due to constant questioning from others.
I’m lucky to have always known what’s right for me. But I feel so much empathy for those who have one foot in, one foot out on the issue. As women, it takes a lot of courage to listen to ourselves and our needs: we’re not raised to trust our gut. And the fact that there’s constant chatter around “you’ll regret it” or “you’ll change your mind” further muddies that ability to trust that we know ourselves best.
Around the world, women without kids face stigma and shame
One thing I’m proud of is that the stories we feature on We are Childfree include folks from all across the globe. It’s easy to think of the childfree movement in privileged terms: that we’re all “dinks” (double income, no kids) with lavish, jet-setting lifestyles.
That’s only half the story, though. Women in the UK and America may face judgement over our decision not to have kids – but at least it’s something we can mostly say out-loud. The stigma and oppression around not having kids is far more pronounced in other regions of the world.
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One woman from Serbia got in touch saying her boyfriend threatened to kill her when she said she didn’t want children. She had to get a restraining order against him. These people face massive levels of taboo: they don’t know anyone at all who is childfree in their lives. So it’s important to shine a light on their stories, too.
There are a lot of misconceptions in the childfree movement. It’s common for people to assume that, just because a woman doesn’t want children herself, she therefore hates children or parents. It’s a sad stereotype because, for many in my community, the opposite is true. They love kids, and are often devoted aunties or uncles.
It’s empowering to realise that you’re not alone in your choices
Equally, people see our project as creating divisions. But if anything, I want to build bridges between parents and non-parents. My twin sister is a mother, and I see how hard that role is. I want her to be supported: it’s about lifting each other up.
At the same time, it’s a reality that friendships can change when people start families. In a recent survey, our community told us that loneliness and losing friends is one of the biggest problems they face as childfree individuals. If you can keep your relationships going as your friends become parents, I think that’s great. But equally, it’s helpful to have a community of people who feel happy and fulfilled without children. It’s so empowering to realise that you’re not alone in it all.
I do feel a huge responsibility towards the community I started. I care deeply about the women our movement supports, and I respond to almost every message I get. It can sometimes feel overwhelming. It makes me so angry and sad that – even now, in 2024 – people still live in fear of society’s judgement.
In a pro-natalist culture, the childfree woman is a symbol of freedom and autonomy – and that’s a threatening idea for many people. As the decision to overturn Roe v Wade, America’s landmark abortion law, shows, there’s a lot of opposition to women having control over our own bodies and lives.
People still live in fear of society’s judgement. It makes me sad
There are plenty out there who want to stop We are Childfree: people have tried to hack us, or send hate mail. But that level of shaming shows how vital our community is. Because we can step outside that preset narrative of having children. There are plenty of paths to happiness that don’t involve getting married and starting a family.
And that’s what my place in this world is about. I may not nurture my own child, but I help thousands of others to feel at home in their identity. It’s incredible to see how our project is changing the way we view people living without kids – and more importantly, how they see themselves.
Flash Pack ambassador Zoë Noble is a photographer, storyteller and founder of the We are Childfree global movement.
Got a story or adventure that could inspire a solo traveller like you? Tag @flashpack on social or email [email protected] to be featured.
Images and Instagram posts: courtesy of Zoë Noble/ We are Childfree
