Single and child-free, I’m often the odd one out. Then, I found my tribe.

It’s special to find your tribe as a solo adventurer – not just while traveling, but also in life. This felt especially true for me on my first Flash Pack trip to Colombia, back in December 2022. 

It had been a rough year. I lost my Dad unexpectedly while I was half the world away. It was the hardest experience of my life. I’d also been struggling with anxiety and depression (I got an ADHD diagnosis a year later). I was burnt out in my career as a software engineer in the Vancouver tech industry. 

I decided it was time to travel, the one thing that always helped me lift myself out of despair. These events also put a lot in perspective for me. It made me realize, I cannot take time for granted. I wanted to be more present with family and friends; and to invest time in the things that I truly love. 

I tried group travel before, but I had the worst time.

I solo backpacked a lot in my twenties, but, as I became older, hostels started feeling a bit overwhelming. I’d tried group travel before, but I had the worst time; everyone else was in their late teens and early twenties and there was no common ground to connect. It put me off group travel completely.

Flash Pack was different. The idea of people specifically in their 30s and 40s appealed to me. It was more expensive for sure, but you get what you pay for. From the moment we met in Bogotá, the age-fit of our group was perfect and everything felt very relaxed. Over the course of the next ten days, our crew bonded quickly; we became exceptionally tight. 

I’m in my mid-30s, I am single and child-free by choice, which usually makes me the odd one out in most social circles. Even those around me without children, have a partner. This sense of being different persisted in my tech job as well, where, for over three years, I was the only woman (and the only brown person) in a department of 30+ people.

I’m usually an outsider. With Flash Pack, I met so many people like me

On my first Flash Pack trip and the two times I’ve traveled with them since, I’ve met so many people like me. Finding these accomplished, funny, kind solo travelers who often also feel like outsiders in their own social circles has been really powerful. It has connected me to a community of kick-ass humans (mostly women) who are all incredibly smart and thriving – independent of partners, children and all the things we’ve been taught we ‘need’ as part of a happy, fulfilled life.

On that first trip, particularly, we became close very fast. Our guide, Mafe, was wonderful; and went out of her way to help us. We shared a lot of personal conversations. We as a group got into deep conversations consistently; on bus rides, around the dinner table, climbing mountains. The atmosphere always felt supportive and positive. I feel it gave a sense of belonging to many of us, and I felt like I was finding my tribe.

The experiences were incredible, too. A standout moment came with our visit to Comuna 13, the Medellín neighborhood once considered one of the most dangerous places on earth. We met some of the women behind Las Barracas, including the founder, Paola Rivas (picture above). The grassroots organization provides employment opportunities to women affected by violence and social injustice. 

The group was so supportive. It gave us a sense of belonging

Hearing their stories and seeing how their community recovered from an area once riddled by drug crime was incredibly moving. Their spirit – their sense of music, movement and life – filled my heart, and my eyes. 

I grew up in India and, in our culture, we say you can taste love in the food. That day in Comuna 13, the women of Las Barracas cooked for us, and I could taste the love. It was so inspiring to see them show up with such energy and zest, having been through so much. It left a deep impression on me.

Throughout my life, travel has been a big theme. It’s helped me to make peace with uncertainty and given me the confidence to be myself. This is especially true after I was diagnosed with ADHD in November 2023. A lot of my life suddenly made sense to me after that and so much fell into place. I realized I’d been masking my whole life, even more so as a woman in tech. Little wonder I ended up burnt out repeatedly. 

I decided to leave my tech career of 15 years and become an artist

As someone who is neurodivergent, exploring the world has helped me to build trust in myself. Both backpacking and Flashpack-ing have given me the confidence that I can think on my feet and navigate any situation. I don’t need to plan for every scenario in my head. 

All these experiences have also made me more cognizant of the time I have, and how I spend it. Taking what I have learned and know now, I decided to leave my tech career of 15 years and start working as an artist. If I’m honest, I totally did not see this coming.

I got the itch to paint earlier a couple of years ago. A friend and I had a paint date with her art supplies. It was the first time I painted, and I felt a portal open inside of me. While recovering from burnout, I was painting every day. I couldn’t stop! I now have over one hundred paintings in my apartment.

Travel and connecting with other humans is like nectar for me

After a lot of reflection, I decided there was nothing else I’d rather do with time than create. My goal is to be a multidisciplinary artist who paints, writes, and pursues whatever art form calls out to her (I’m learning to play the piano, too). It helps me discover parts of myself that have been buried under the many masks I have had to wear my whole life, until now.

My other primary goal is to help other women find, express, and heal themselves through art. I’m in the process of getting certified for the same and curating the experience I wish I had access to.

Traveling and connecting with other humans is like sweet nectar for me. I wasn’t meant to stay in one place – I don’t think any of us were. By moving around, meeting new people, trying new things, creating art, I’m able to uncover fresh inspiration. It helps me build a life that I really want; one that I don’t need to escape.

Vancouver-based Apeksha Darbari is a tech engineer turned artist, unmasking her way back to her true self. She’s traveled with Flash Pack to Colombia and Turkey. Visit Apeksha’s website and see her art here.

Images: Flash Pack and courtesy of Apeksha Darbari