After the trauma of losing my husband, I found new ways to be joyful

My husband, Kaleb, passed away on May 2 last year. We’d built a life together here in Denver, and his passing was unexpected and very traumatic. I was actually on a flight when it happened, traveling back with a dog that we’d just adopted from the Dominican Republic. In some ways, it was a blessing that I wasn’t there.

Grieving him has been so very hard, but I found a great therapist who helped me to rewire my thinking. She encouraged me to keep Kaleb’s memory alive by focusing on gratitude and joy – and thinking about all the happy times we shared together.

As Thanksgiving approached, I knew I needed to get away and do something for myself. The holidays had always been our favorite time of year, and Kaleb would have been so upset if I’d been stuck at home all sad and lonely. I needed to reconnect with myself and be somewhere different.

Kaleb would have been so upset if I’d been at home all sad and lonely

So, I decided to book my first ever group solo trip to Costa Rica, running over Thanksgiving. As a destination, it naturally appealed to me because I love being outdoors and experiencing the freedom of nature.

Costa Rica has a strong reputation for preserving its beautiful rainforests and wildlife, plus “Pura Vida” – the catchphrase of our trip – really captured how kind and welcoming everyone was there. It was one of the nicest countries I’ve been to.

When I landed in the capital, San José, however, I had no idea what to expect. I started asking myself, “What am I doing here?” and “Why am I doing this?” But, before our welcome drinks were even over, I felt at home and comfortable with everyone. 

There were six of us in our group – from the US, Canada and the UK – and we all arrived with the same energy. We all wanted the same thing out of the trip: laughter, good memories, great food. It felt like we already knew each other. Our guide, Edwin, and driver, Starling, were fantastic as well. We had a lot of laughs and shared some great conversations together. 

I decided to open up about my loss. Everyone was amazing

Before the trip, I was unsure whether I’d share what had happened to me with losing Kaleb. I didn’t want sympathy, or for people to treat me differently.

But around day four when we’d got to know one another more, I decided to open up about my loss. Everyone was amazing. No-one treated me differently, and it felt good to talk about him.

Kaleb was with me every single minute of the vacation anyway. I felt his presence wherever I went, and it was comforting. For example, early on in the trip, we tried a zipline course with a big Tarzan swing that extended down from a bridge. The drop was huge – you couldn’t see the bottom through the mass of rainforest. 

But I had told myself I would say “yes” to everything, so I jumped. Normally, I would never have done that. Yet, during that moment, Kaleb’s spirit was with me. It was like he was cheering me on, saying, “Go for it.”

In Costa Rica, I told myself I would say “yes” to everything

There were other moments of pure joy, too. The coffee in Costa Rica was delicious, and every time I enjoyed it, I would tell Kaleb, “This coffee is so good!”

It’s the kind of thing I would message him about if he was still alive, and it really helped to shift my focus. Instead of thinking about him not being there, I shared all the good things that had happened that day.

From making homemade cheesy tortillas with a Costa Rican grandmother, to visiting a coffee farm, there were so many highlights of my time in Central America. The zipline adventure in the rainforest was dramatic and truly unforgettable. And we spent Thanksgiving Day itself on a private catamaran, snorkeling and swimming. It was perfect. 

As my first group trip, Costa Rica was wonderful – it exceeded all my expectations. I can’t wait to do another one (Croatia, Portugal and Greece are all high on my list). Being in nature, experiencing culture, and appreciating the effort others put into creating those moments made me so grateful.

I’ve learned that I’m capable of being alone and still living fully

It was truly humbling to see the amount of work various people did behind the scenes to keep our group engaged. And it also helped me realize that I love trying experiences – like bridge jumping – that I’d never attempt on my own.

Above all, I’ve learned that I’m capable of being alone, without my partner, and still living fully. And I want other people to know that. Because life can get really hard sometimes. But you have to trust that, even when things are awful, there is always something to learn and find joy in. 

I’m proud of myself for saying “yes” to the Costa Rica trip, even in the throes of grief. I knew I’d probably enjoy the country but I didn’t expect to let my guard down as much as I did with our group. 

I discovered I could be 100% myself with strangers, sharing everything that had happened with Kaleb, and my fellow travelers were amazing about it. They were equally open, meaning I got to know a lot about some of their lives, too. Sharing in that way felt great. It created the kind of positivity and comfort that keeps me moving forward. 

Jered Davis lives in the US state of Colorado and works as a recruiter. He traveled with Flash Pack to Costa Rica.

Images: Courtesy of Jered Davis