Single and in my 30s, I was full of anxiety. Traveling to Vietnam, I felt myself again

At the end of last year, I was feeling the struggle of being single in my mid-30s. I was overworked, overwhelmed, saying yes to too much, and not prioritizing myself. It really spiked my anxiety. 

After experiencing panic attacks, I started therapy to understand what was going on. That led me to examine my work-life balance, as part of an effort to get my anxiety under control. While working through a process of recovery, I thought, “You know what? Sod it. I’m going on a massive adventure.” 

I’ve always wanted to go to Vietnam because it looks amazing, but I didn’t want to travel by myself. All of my friends are married, have kids, or just aren’t in the right space to go on a long-haul holiday. 

I started looking at group travel companies, and was soon drawn to Flash Pack. It looked like it offered awesome experiences, was really well-organized, and the reviews were great. I also read a lot of interviews with their solo travelers on the website, and it sounded like many people were in a similar place in life to my own.

 

I booked the trip and immediately cried. I was proud of myself

I went back and forth a lot, thinking, “Do I book it?” Finally, around six weeks before the trip began, I took the plunge. I thought, “Don’t listen to the negative voice, just do it.” Late one Sunday night, I hit “book” and immediately cried. Then I felt overwhelmingly excited.

As a partnerships manager working in motorsport, I travel a lot for work. I also meet new people all the time, and I love it. So, although this was my first experience of solo group travel, I knew I could do it. The moment had come to be brave, put my big-girl pants on and go have the best time.

Still, I was very nervous about the whole thing. I do planes alone all the time, so travel wasn’t the anxiety; and nor was it about going with strangers. Instead, it was all the unknowns and “what ifs” that worried me. What if nobody talked to me, what if they all hated me, what if I got sick? None of it was a good enough reason not to go, but it was scary all the same. 

After booking and crying, however, I tried to draw a line under my anxiety. I thought, “OK, this is good, I’m proud of myself. Let’s enjoy it.” Being added to our WhatsApp group beforehand helped: it was really useful to see who everyone was. But really, it was from arriving in the capital, Hanoi, that I knew everything was going to be good.

 

Everyone felt familiar. It was like having 14 new friends

Almost straight away, I saw a few familiar faces from our chat. Our group was made up of Brits, Americans, Australians, Germans and Brazilians. We were 12 women, two men, and, at 34, I was the youngest. 

Despite different countries and jobs, everyone felt very similar. It was like arriving and having 14 new friends. We were all traveling solo, with an openness to meeting new people and experiencing the moment. It was surreal, really. Within the space of a couple of hours, it felt like I’d known everyone for a long time. 

Our group got on straight away. On the first day we had a local dinner at a family’s home, and then we took a coach trip from Hanoi to Ha Long Bay. It was a great way to settle in and get to know people. We all made the effort to speak to everyone. 

Hoang Le, our legendary guide, was brilliant. He was the friendliest, happiest person who looked after us all from start to finish. We couldn’t have asked for a better tour leader. He gave us amazing local insight into his country, and what it was like to have grown up in Vietnam. It meant the trip was completely different to how I would have experienced it otherwise.

I remember thinking, ‘I’m really living life.’ It was amazing

My brother had backpacked in Vietnam a month before my trip and said the big cities were busy and touristy. But we had so many authentic experiences that it didn’t feel that way to me. From a seafood dinner in a hidden lagoon to family meals and meeting a local tofu maker, we tried so many activities that I’d never have done alone. 

In terms of experiences, it’s hard to beat the street food tour on the back of Vespas in Ho Chi Minh City. Weaving through narrow streets amid crazy traffic, and stopping at various stalls, it provided a full-on sensory overload. It was so fun. I remember thinking, “I’m really living life. This is amazing.”

Our bike ride through the countryside around the coastal town of Hoi An was another highlight. I hadn’t been on a bike since I was about ten. We rode through a series of spectacular rice fields, stopping at various villages to do a noodle making workshop, meet a local rice wine maker and try our hand at mat making. It was one of those days where you get sucked into the experience, with something that’s completely different from home. I felt free.

My time in Vietnam was like a stepping stone to feeling like myself again. The people were so friendly, warm and welcoming. The scenery was breathtaking (beaches, mountains, lantern-lit city streets), and the food was fantastic. Saying goodbye to Hoang Le on the final night of the trip, our group did a special farewell. We all got a bit tearful. It had been such an excellent adventure.

Vietnam was like a stepping stone to feeling myself again

It was also mega to meet like-minded people who were mostly single and wanted the same thing from a holiday. Like me, they didn’t necessarily have someone to go with – so instead we formed our own group, with similar intentions. It was so much fun. 

I realized what a privilege it is to travel, too. I’d been worrying about being single, yet my friends at home with their toddlers wouldn’t be able to have that same adventure. When I got back, lots of people said to me, “I’m jealous! What an incredible trip.”

We always think we want the life that other people have. Yet we have no real idea what is going on in their lives, or the struggles they might be facing. My time in Vietnam taught me to focus on enjoying my time, rather than worrying about where I stand in comparison to others my age.

Since returning home, I’ve met my now-partner. We’d met just before Vietnam, but the trip really helped. It gave me the confidence to be happy in my own life – no matter my relationship status.

Charli Burden works as a partnerships manager in motorsport. She traveled with Flash Pack to Vietnam.