As the UK gets walloped with record temperatures, the heatwave has lead to benevolent employers asking employees to ‘WFH’ – many of whom will be doing it for the first time. Here are 23 signs that you’re new to working from home.
1. You get up at your normal time.
2. You bother showering.
3. You put on clothes that don’t make you look like an unwashed, hungover pirate in athleisure, who’s walking his dog at 7am.
4. You ‘tap in and out’ of your front door with an imaginary key card.
5. You apologise to yourself for being late, but don’t mean it.
6. You make a round of teas for six people.
7. You schedule a 10am meeting with your dog – your dog, who only works part-time, is better prepared than you.
8. You schedule an 11am meeting with yourself (it doesn’t go well).
9. You schedule a 12pm conference call with you, your dog, a house plant and whatever’s playing on Radio 4 at the time.
10. You indulge in office politics and start gossiping about yourself behind your back, severely damaging your working relationship.
11. You made a packed lunch the night before, put it in the fridge, and you now eat the wilted sandwich at your desk.
12. You talk to a woman in a magazine about what she’s having for lunch.
13. You decide her lunch is better, which upsets you, even though what she had was a construct of your imagination.
14. You buy a water cooler, put it next to the TV, tune into Homes Under the Hammer and reply to everything Dion Dublin says, just for some ‘office bants’. “Yeah, absolutely Dion, yeah, you could knock that wall through to create an open-plan kitchen-diner. You nutter!”
15. It gets so hot that you decide to work from home. Realising that you’re already at home, you decide to work from the shed.
16. The wifi in the shed is really shaky. You return to your home.
17. You produce a PowerPoint presentation on the declining milk stocks in your fridge vs need for tea vs the absolutely-cannot-be-arsed-to-go-to-the-shop levels among employees present.
18. You send a passive-aggressive email to yourself because you left a dirty plate in the sink.
19. You ask yourself for a raise. The request is denied.
20. You form an office 1-a-side football team.
21. You start a conversation with yourself in the ‘urinal’, immediately making yourself feel awkward.
22. At 4pm, you still don’t look like the athleisure pirate.
23. At clocking-off time, you enter an existential crisis and end up spending the night in your office.